I’m a very curious being. I’ve studied psychology, biology, art history, neuroscience, dolphins, coral reef ecology, killer whales, environmental management, professional life coaching, sports and performance psychology, polyvagal theory, energy leadership, triathlon coaching, personal training, Human Design, Reiki, Tibetan meditation, and mindfulness meditation. Whew! I don’t share that list to show you that I’m an expert in all these things. (I actually don’t really believe in the idea of “experts.” We’re all constantly learning and growing, right?) I share that list to show you that I live my life fueled by wonder, awe and joy. Also, I’m a Manifesting Generator and we are multi-passionate beings.
And, from the outside, Manifesting Generators can look like we’re making it up as we go. We are—kind of. But really, the universe is bringing us lots of options and we’re here to follow the things that light us the fuck up, even when the timing isn’t what we are expecting. (Especially when the timing isn’t what we’re expecting.) The universe actually brings us things at the perfect time, but from our perspective, it looks like the universe is sassy AF. It is. Take, for instance, my introduction to triathlon. A competitive swimmer growing up, I had always dreamed of doing a triathlon someday. I thought I’d train for at least a year before making my race debut and envisioned myself as an expert before I got to the start line. But during my first week of grad school, I learned there would be a triathlon in two weeks. The universe was inviting me to start before I was ready. (This was what I later came to call the “holy shit” moment.) It’s the way I felt when I stood in the open door of the flying plane before jumping. And it’s the way I felt when we put the “for sale” sign in our yard in Maine when we had no idea where we were moving to next. It’s also the way I feel before every hard workout. The only way through a “holy shit” moment is to surrender. And so I surrendered, launching an ongoing love affair with with the ridiculous and wonderful sport of triathlon.
“Holy shit” moments often happen when we’re on the doorstep
of massive change.
Ironically, when I quit my big important government job after they’d offered me a big promotion with loads of money and security, I didn’t feel the holy shit.
After earning my Masters degree, I worked in the Office of Protected Resources, basically saving the whales (because that was what I was supposed to do with my degree). And when a big promotion became available, I applied (because that’s what I was supposed to do). But… this work involved spending my days in a cubicle. It wasn’t for me. And shortly before I was offered that promotion, I had an epiphany: Most of the people I worked with loved the work we did; I did not. They were literally made for this work. I was not. They could continue doing this work, and I could fly free to do I-didn’t-know-what. Freedom was calling loudly. The idea of staying in that job felt heavy, hard and miserable. Quitting felt easy and empowering.
Was that epiphany my spiritual awakening? Who knows. It didn’t feel dramatic to me. It felt obvious. It was just the next step I had to take. So I took it.
So when was my spiritual awakening? I have no idea. I was born awake (we all are) and then I forgot (we all do). Teenaged me was wise enough to get a tattoo symbolizing constant evolution. Was she spiritually awake? Nah. Later in college, I experienced my first strong intuitive knowing when my grandmother passed—and I shut that shit down because holy moly that was scary. I started rediscovering my intuition in coaching school, but still felt like an imposter when it came to calling myself “intuitive.”
By the time I was able to read my own Human Design Chart, I had embraced my intuition enough that I laughed when I saw that my primary purpose in this lifetime is to be intuitive for other people.
I’ve been through some hard stuff (injuries, illnesses, grief) that may or may not have amplified my growth, but I’ve grown in the light as well (through love, joy, play and celebration).
And, when we sold our house in Maine and found ourselves adventuring around the U.S. in a small camper for 16 months, that prompted a massive growth spurt. There’s no finish line in this whole “awakening” journey. We either grow or we die—every single day.
Like you, I’m a spiritual being trying to figure out this human thing. I’m making it up as I go and tripping over my big puppy paws as I move forward.
Love,
Kelsey
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