a simple practice to lessen the suffering of grief

Pain--both physical and emotional--is an inevitable part of living on this planet. Suffering, however, is a choice.

I'm not saying you won't experience suffering. You will. But with practice, you'll also be able to experience freedom from suffering.

Here's a simple exercise to help you develop the skills to free yourself from suffering. This is the practice I used yesterday to shift my energy from victimy frustration around not feeling my best, to joy, gratitude and celebration.

Grab a blank piece of paper. At the top, write, "Suffering because:" and then write the cause of your suffering. (Note: Refrain from writing "I am suffering because." As you may remember from school, the verb "to be" acts as an equals sign "=". We don't want to identify as suffering, so keep it simple and use the colon.) A few lines below "suffering because:" write "celebrating:" and fill in all the goodness you're experiencing.

This isn't about ignoring the pain or engaging in spiritual bypassing. This practice actually allows us to see our pain more clearly and, in doing so, we see that even the biggest pain isn't present every single second. We start to see the openings (like the tiny patches of blue sky peeking through the clouds) and in seeing the openings, we allow them to grow.

I've used this practice to help me run a 5k with excruciating nerve pain in my heel. It enabled me to see that it only hurt when my left foot was on the ground. That meant I was only experiencing pain 50% of the time. Breathing into this opening--the fact that I was free from pain 50% of the time--allowed me to run. It wasn't my fastest 5k, but it was fast enough to finish the triathlon among the top third at the World Championships.

I also used this practice to lessen the suffering of grief. When the deep pain of grief left me feeling like I'd been ripped apart, I committed to a practice of noticing a beautiful flower, talking to a tiny tree frog or enjoying the delicious taste of a juicy passionfruit. By finding these brief moments of sweetness, I opened myself up to the expanding nature of joy and found that joy and grief can coexist.

Pain is inevitable, and so is joy. Suffering is optional.

May you be free from suffering.

I love you.

Love,
Kelsey


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